Posted By: came2dance
Well that didn't go as planned! Collecting my Coup - 17/05/2017 18:12
Couldn't have gone much worse!
In my minds eye I envisaged a lovely summer day, a lazy drive home on A roads and lunch outside a pub somewhere. What we got was absolute pouring rain and 300 yards vision if you were lucky.
As it happened I hadn't looked at the route home sure I could just sat nav it and pick up the A49 somewhere around Worcester. I blame it on being too busy and rushing but in reality that's just how lazy I've become. So the first mistake was forgetting my Sat Nav and my phone! I set off in the pouring rain on the M5. Smart motorways all the way. Use the hard shoulder 50 mph. Massive queues. As I reached the turnoff for Worcester my drivers wiper went stupid. Only wiping half it's side of the windscreen. That helped me make my mind up and I turned off the M5. Soon as I did.....Bang and the wiper had gone! It was stopped against the A pillar and I turned down some country road to take a look at it. It was a bit floppy and I had no tools with me.
I carried on down the country road hoping to come across one of those country garages that can fix anything but no such luck. Driving with my head on the passenger side I eventually came across a little village with a Shell Garage. I popped in and asked one of the two Mrs Browns (as in Mrs Browns Boys) that were running the place if they had a spanner or socket I could borrow. This was met with shrugs but I could see an adjustable on the shelf behind the counter so asked if I could borrow it. I swapped the longer drivers side wiper blade with the passenger side blade hoping that I'd get better coverage and managed to tighten the wiper a little. It was giving half a movement again so I asked them how i could find the A49 heading North and they just shrugged again and said head for the motorway. Really helpful ladies thanks.
I kept going and followed the road into Worcester. My god it was busy and all the roads were Turn Left only or Turn right only and get in lane! I had no idea what road I was looking for and no idea whether the places signposted were North South East or West! I was lost. I saw a sign for the M5 and decided i had better put up with the motorway.
After a five mile or so journey North on the motorway I passed the junction I had previously turned off at for Worcester
I carried on using the wipers on manual and having to set them off every 10 to 20 seconds, heart in my mouth every time. Travelling at 50 with all the lorries, steering with my right hand and stretching across to look out the passenger side. Thank god for the long gearing on the coop allowing me to flit effortlessly between 30 and 60 mph. Except the wiper didn't like anything over 50. Over 50 it didn't return to it's proper parked position and the wipers were dangerously close to fouling each other anyway.
Traffic was awful. Rain was awful and eventually, luckily as we left the smart motorway section, the wipers collided! I pulled straight onto the hard shoulder and managed to untangle them. Then after 140 miles and with just 20 miles or so to go they collided again accompanied by a smashing sound and fragments of shrapnel crossing my screen. Hard shoulder again quick. The passenger wiper had gone west! I took the useless drivers side wiper off and put it on the passenger side and drove on with the drivers side wiper stalk sticking out in front like a unicorns horn so it didn't damage the windscreen.
Luckily it had almost stopped raining and I made progress at 40 mph ish which was as fast as the traffic jam known as the M6 was moving. I was approaching junctions for Warrington now and was tempted to turn off but Warrington can be a nightmare so I decided to stick to the M6. Just as i made this decision I passes a police car sat on the hard shoulder keeping an eye on the traffic jam. I thought "He's bound to spot my sticky out wiper" and sure enough he pulled out onto the motorway. Next junction was approaching and I pulled off hoping he'd stay on the motorway but he followed me off and after a minute put the blue lights on and pulled me over. Uh oh!
He was very nice really (and I was very polite as always when pulled over) He said have you got an issue sir? I said "yes, my wipers. They collided and it's smashed the drivers side" He said "Oh have you far to go" so I said "No St Helens" and he asked was I alright driving like that. I said yes and he said "Take care" "And switch your hazard warning lights off, that's why I followed you"
My hazard lights stayed on all the way home. Jim had mentioned that the alarm wasn't working and to use the key. Somehow i must have pressed the key fob whilst messing about on the hard shoulder.
All in all an eventful day
A six and a half hour trip home! I still enjoyed driving the coop and it was great meeting you Jim. Shame being off the road for such a minor issue as wipers but I'll have to get them sorted before I can go out playing again.
In my minds eye I envisaged a lovely summer day, a lazy drive home on A roads and lunch outside a pub somewhere. What we got was absolute pouring rain and 300 yards vision if you were lucky.
As it happened I hadn't looked at the route home sure I could just sat nav it and pick up the A49 somewhere around Worcester. I blame it on being too busy and rushing but in reality that's just how lazy I've become. So the first mistake was forgetting my Sat Nav and my phone! I set off in the pouring rain on the M5. Smart motorways all the way. Use the hard shoulder 50 mph. Massive queues. As I reached the turnoff for Worcester my drivers wiper went stupid. Only wiping half it's side of the windscreen. That helped me make my mind up and I turned off the M5. Soon as I did.....Bang and the wiper had gone! It was stopped against the A pillar and I turned down some country road to take a look at it. It was a bit floppy and I had no tools with me.
I carried on down the country road hoping to come across one of those country garages that can fix anything but no such luck. Driving with my head on the passenger side I eventually came across a little village with a Shell Garage. I popped in and asked one of the two Mrs Browns (as in Mrs Browns Boys) that were running the place if they had a spanner or socket I could borrow. This was met with shrugs but I could see an adjustable on the shelf behind the counter so asked if I could borrow it. I swapped the longer drivers side wiper blade with the passenger side blade hoping that I'd get better coverage and managed to tighten the wiper a little. It was giving half a movement again so I asked them how i could find the A49 heading North and they just shrugged again and said head for the motorway. Really helpful ladies thanks.
I kept going and followed the road into Worcester. My god it was busy and all the roads were Turn Left only or Turn right only and get in lane! I had no idea what road I was looking for and no idea whether the places signposted were North South East or West! I was lost. I saw a sign for the M5 and decided i had better put up with the motorway.
After a five mile or so journey North on the motorway I passed the junction I had previously turned off at for Worcester
I carried on using the wipers on manual and having to set them off every 10 to 20 seconds, heart in my mouth every time. Travelling at 50 with all the lorries, steering with my right hand and stretching across to look out the passenger side. Thank god for the long gearing on the coop allowing me to flit effortlessly between 30 and 60 mph. Except the wiper didn't like anything over 50. Over 50 it didn't return to it's proper parked position and the wipers were dangerously close to fouling each other anyway.Traffic was awful. Rain was awful and eventually, luckily as we left the smart motorway section, the wipers collided! I pulled straight onto the hard shoulder and managed to untangle them. Then after 140 miles and with just 20 miles or so to go they collided again accompanied by a smashing sound and fragments of shrapnel crossing my screen. Hard shoulder again quick. The passenger wiper had gone west! I took the useless drivers side wiper off and put it on the passenger side and drove on with the drivers side wiper stalk sticking out in front like a unicorns horn so it didn't damage the windscreen.
Luckily it had almost stopped raining and I made progress at 40 mph ish which was as fast as the traffic jam known as the M6 was moving. I was approaching junctions for Warrington now and was tempted to turn off but Warrington can be a nightmare so I decided to stick to the M6. Just as i made this decision I passes a police car sat on the hard shoulder keeping an eye on the traffic jam. I thought "He's bound to spot my sticky out wiper" and sure enough he pulled out onto the motorway. Next junction was approaching and I pulled off hoping he'd stay on the motorway but he followed me off and after a minute put the blue lights on and pulled me over. Uh oh!
He was very nice really (and I was very polite as always when pulled over) He said have you got an issue sir? I said "yes, my wipers. They collided and it's smashed the drivers side" He said "Oh have you far to go" so I said "No St Helens" and he asked was I alright driving like that. I said yes and he said "Take care" "And switch your hazard warning lights off, that's why I followed you"
My hazard lights stayed on all the way home. Jim had mentioned that the alarm wasn't working and to use the key. Somehow i must have pressed the key fob whilst messing about on the hard shoulder.
All in all an eventful day
A six and a half hour trip home! I still enjoyed driving the coop and it was great meeting you Jim. Shame being off the road for such a minor issue as wipers but I'll have to get them sorted before I can go out playing again.
Rains/pours etc 
I have lol. New wipers. Little ordinary ones in case they don't last too long 