Fiat Coupe Forum
- Founded by Kayjey & James Northam
- Funded by the Club for the benefit of all owners
Fiat Coupe Club UK
join the club
Fiat Coupe Forum
 
» Announced
    Posting images


» Related sites
    Main club site
    fiatcoupe.net


» External data
    owners listed
 
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 99 guests, and 0 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums65
Topics112,306
Posts1,327,746
Members1,976
Most Online731
Jan 14th, 2020
Top Posters(All Time)
barnacle 33,037
stan 32,112
Theresa 23,168
bockers 21,053
PeteP 20,651
JimO 17,917
Nigel 17,336
Jim_Clennell 16,596
RSS Feeds
Club Events
Club Information
Track Events
Rolling Road/RWYB
Social Events
Non-UK Events
Coupé Related Chat
Coupé Spotting
Coupé News/Press
Buying/Selling Advice
Insuring a Coupé
Basic FAQ's
How to Guides
Forum Issues
Technical Problems
General Maintenance
Styling
Tuning
Handling
ICE and Alarm
Coupés for Sale
Coupés Wanted
Parts for Sale
Parts Wanted
Group Buys
Business Forum
Other Vehicles for Sale/Wanted
Other Items for Sale/Wanted
Haggling/Offers
Ebay links
Other Cars
Other Websites
General Chat
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 26 1 2 3 25 26
Crap joke thread #737644
02/01/2009 00:03
02/01/2009 00:03
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004
Leeds
M
MattM Offline OP
I need some sleep
MattM  Offline OP
I need some sleep
M

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004
Leeds
I like crap jokes, so lets hear what you've got.

Here's a couple to get the ball rolling;

1)What's Dr Who's favourite food?

"Darlek Bread"

2)What do you call a french man wearing sandals?

"Felipe Fillop"

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #737665
02/01/2009 00:44
02/01/2009 00:44
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 13,200
england
C
came2dance Offline
I AM a Coop
came2dance  Offline
I AM a Coop
C

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 13,200
england
What do you call a turkey in a shell suit.



an egg


[Linked Image]www.chrisdoyle-photography.co.uk

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: came2dance] #737666
02/01/2009 00:47
02/01/2009 00:47

A
Aah4Fuxake
Unregistered
Aah4Fuxake
Unregistered
A



A vicar checks into a hotel. He tells the receptionist "I am a vicar, I hope the pornography channel in my room is disabled!"

The receptionist replies "No, It is just regular porn, you sick freak"

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737670
02/01/2009 00:53
02/01/2009 00:53
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004
Leeds
M
MattM Offline OP
I need some sleep
MattM  Offline OP
I need some sleep
M

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004
Leeds
A green man lives in a green house in Greentown. One day the green man is in his green bath in his green bathroom.
While the green man is in his green bath he hears a knock on his green front door. So the green man wraps a green towel around his green body and walks down the green stairs and opens the green front door. As he opens his green front door, his green towel falls off his green body. The woman who knocked on the door is shocked and runs away. She runs over the road, and as she is doing so getsmowed down by a car and dies.
So, what is the moral of this story?

"Don't cross the road when the green man is flashing!"

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #737675
02/01/2009 01:09
02/01/2009 01:09

S
symonh2000
Unregistered
symonh2000
Unregistered
S



David Blunkett walks into a shop, picks his guide dog up by its tail and starts swinging it around and around in circles.

The Assistant comes over and says "Can I help you?"

David Blunkett replies "It's OK thanks, I am just having a look around".

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737686
02/01/2009 02:02
02/01/2009 02:02

M
MattW
Unregistered
MattW
Unregistered
M



Two cats swam across the English Channel in a race. The first was called One Two Three Cat, the second Un Deux Trois Cat. Which one won?






One Two Three Cat, because Un Deux Trois Cat sank.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737688
02/01/2009 02:05
02/01/2009 02:05

N
nrenz123
Unregistered
nrenz123
Unregistered
N



Why did the Koala bear fall out fo the tree?



.....Because he was dead.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737690
02/01/2009 02:15
02/01/2009 02:15

M
MattW
Unregistered
MattW
Unregistered
M



What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737697
02/01/2009 04:08
02/01/2009 04:08

N
NuIotaChi
Unregistered
NuIotaChi
Unregistered
N



1 1 was a race horse 1 2 was 1 2.
When 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 1 2

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737706
02/01/2009 05:37
02/01/2009 05:37

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



 Originally Posted By: Aah4Fuxake
A vicar checks into a hotel. He tells the receptionist "I am a vicar, I hope the pornography channel in my room is disabled!"

The receptionist replies "No, It is just regular porn, you sick freak"


Now that actually made me giggle.


Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737707
02/01/2009 06:25
02/01/2009 06:25

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



How do you save a bagpiper from drowning?




Warning, Spoiler:

Take your foot off his head.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737714
02/01/2009 09:07
02/01/2009 09:07

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I’m from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "So am I!"

"Sure and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!"

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"





"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737716
02/01/2009 09:24
02/01/2009 09:24

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Why are old men in nursing homes given viagra?


Warning, Spoiler:
So they don't roll out of bed.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737720
02/01/2009 09:35
02/01/2009 09:35

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.

One says to the other, "Are you alright?"

"No, I lost an electron."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737724
02/01/2009 09:45
02/01/2009 09:45
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,336
Selby
Mansilla Offline
My job on the forum
Mansilla  Offline
My job on the forum

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,336
Selby
Two Snowmen are stood in a field.

One says to the other: I can smell carrots.


1. Think of something witty and urbane
2. Imagine it written here
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Mansilla] #737733
02/01/2009 10:13
02/01/2009 10:13

P
Piers
Unregistered
Piers
Unregistered
P



If I ever own a race horse I'm going to call it 'my face'

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737737
02/01/2009 10:34
02/01/2009 10:34
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 32,112
Cumbria
stan Offline
Dr. Frankenstan
stan  Offline
Dr. Frankenstan
Forum Demigod

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 32,112
Cumbria
 Originally Posted By: Piers
If I ever own a race horse I'm going to call it 'my face'




....and with your luck you'll have Graham Norton standing on one side of you and Julian Clary on the other! \:D


[Linked Image]
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737738
02/01/2009 10:34
02/01/2009 10:34

F
frary
Unregistered
frary
Unregistered
F



 Originally Posted By: Piers
If I ever own a race horse I'm going to call it 'my face'


#
\:D took a little while........
a certain amount of enthusiastic cheering is needed

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737753
02/01/2009 11:33
02/01/2009 11:33
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 12,643
Watford
MarioCirillo Offline
Ex El Presidente
MarioCirillo  Offline
Ex El Presidente
I AM a Coop

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 12,643
Watford
here is one, its not tooo rude im sure we can handle it

so santa went down the chimney one night,
he started putting the presents under the tree when a woman walked into the room.

"please santa wont you stay" . . . she said with a sexy tone in her voice.

"ho ho ho, got to go, got to deliver all the presents to the children you know"

the gorgeous blonde slowly removed her night gown

"oh come on santa . . . please wont you stay!"

Im sorry he replied. . ."Ho Ho Ho got to go, got to deliver all tyhe presents to the children you know!"

The lady removed all her clothes and once again asked santa to stay.

This time santa looked at her, put down his sack of presets and replied

"Hey Hey Hey, Got to Stay, Cant get up the Chimney with a Bon*r In the Way"

\:D


Proud Owner of Rosso Speed LE041
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MarioCirillo] #737808
02/01/2009 12:20
02/01/2009 12:20

T
TbirdX
Unregistered
TbirdX
Unregistered
T



2 cannibals eating a clown, 1 looks at the other and says..

"This taste funny to you?"

Cowboy walks into a german car showroom and says Audi

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737809
02/01/2009 12:23
02/01/2009 12:23

T
Truffle
Unregistered
Truffle
Unregistered
T



A man is in the hospital recoving from an operation and has been moved from ICU to a standard room. Although he still has the IV and Oxygen, his recovery is progressing fine and he is looking forward to going home in a few days if all looks good to the doctors.

The attending nurse comes into his room and is checking the equipment and his vitals and through his oxygen mask he asks, "are my testicles black?"

The nurse is a bit flabergasted by the question and says, "Sir, I am only here to check on your IV and bloodpressure, you will have to ask your doctor that question"

He repeats himself, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Forcefully she retorts, "Sir that is not part of my duties"

When he asks her again, "are my tesiticles black?" , she senses his urgency and being empathetic to his situation, she lifts his gown grabs him by the sack, looks, and replies, "no, they look fine to me".

He removes his mask and spouts, "Honey, I appreciate the extra attention, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737821
02/01/2009 12:30
02/01/2009 12:30

E
eldinho
Unregistered
eldinho
Unregistered
E



Why don't you eat a Curly Wurly at 7am???

It's twirly!

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737839
02/01/2009 12:49
02/01/2009 12:49

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



reception desk at hospital receives phone call:

"Good morning, I just wanted to enquire about Mr. Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov" "How is he doing?"

"Good morning sir - he is doing very well."

"Ah, excellent. And when is he expected to be going home, please."

"All being well, he will be discharged tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, nurse. I appreciate your help."

"You're welcome sir - can I just ask who is calling?"

"Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737842
02/01/2009 12:57
02/01/2009 12:57
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 8,038
Southsea
G
Gunzi Offline
Club member 189, Former Club President
Gunzi  Offline
Club member 189, Former Club President
Je suis un Coupé
G

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 8,038
Southsea
Two elephants walk off a cliff

Boom Boom

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Gunzi] #737855
02/01/2009 13:19
02/01/2009 13:19
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,769
In the coupe.
magooagain Offline
Club Member 259
magooagain  Offline
Club Member 259
Forum is my life

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,769
In the coupe.
Two parrots siting on a perch. one says to the other
Can you smell fish?



Re: Crap joke thread [Re: magooagain] #737862
02/01/2009 13:27
02/01/2009 13:27
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,879
highlands
jimboy Offline
Club Member 857
jimboy  Offline
Club Member 857
Forum is my job

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,879
highlands
OK go on then \:D


what do you call a man with seven balaclavas on his head....
















anything you want to call him, he wont hear you...boom..boom


I'm an old git & happy with it,most of the time
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: jimboy] #737880
02/01/2009 13:48
02/01/2009 13:48

P
Piers
Unregistered
Piers
Unregistered
P



I've just watched Harry Potter. A bit unrealistic if you ask me...

I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737882
02/01/2009 13:53
02/01/2009 13:53

T
Truffle
Unregistered
Truffle
Unregistered
T



Its not ginger, its strawberry blonde \:D

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737893
02/01/2009 14:13
02/01/2009 14:13

S
sweetride
Unregistered
sweetride
Unregistered
S



What kind of bee's make milk???






Boobee's

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #737907
02/01/2009 14:50
02/01/2009 14:50

M
MrB
Unregistered
MrB
Unregistered
M



What's Jeremy Clarksons PIN number?

0 2 60

Page 1 of 26 1 2 3 25 26

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1
(Release build 20190129)
PHP: 7.3.33 Page Time: 0.035s Queries: 15 (0.022s) Memory: 0.8700 MB (Peak: 1.0802 MB) Data Comp: Off Server Time: 2022-05-27 03:25:27 UTC