The human race is doomed...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/08/scratchcard_anarchy/

And it has her full name on the article. Anyone want to join me in throwing rocks at her house to help improve it's value by lowering the sales price?

Oh dear

And she'll have kids lol!

WHAT??? How dumb can one be?

I once took a map of East Anglia, showing county outlines but not names, out on the streets of Cambridge to find out what percentage of people knew where they lived. Only four out of ten people correctly identified the outline of Cambridgeshire. Culling may be the only answer, but how will you know when they're dead?

I've been saying this all along. Defertilise everyone at birth and then IQ test them before allowing them to have the reverse operation.

Thats shocking^-1

My impression is that if she has enough noodle to compose a sentence like that she must be just trying it on - hoping to win when she knows she has lost.

Nah, I think you'll find that's the journalist translating it for us to understand, and he/she has taken out all the *iinits* and *bovver* and the like

We have a 60-y.o. woman friend who is a qualified nurse, and she doesn't know what type of food a curry is.

When she came back from her holiday last year we asked her where she had been. On being asked where she had been she replied along the lines of "I'm not sure - either the Carribean or the other side of Africa. It was an island with sandy beaches."

Do you know how long it would take to cull everyone? It's amazing. If some super nasty space alien decided to zap humans at a million a day, every day, it would take about 18 years to get rid of us all, in fact more if you allow for births along the way. I think - or is my maths wrong: 365m a year, 6b people, that's 18, right?

I'm not listening to my voices any more, I've got better things to do with the time.

My missus, several years ago, watched the news about the volcanic eruption on Monserrat and worried that the Grand Prix would be affected........she had, of course, confused it with Monaco!


Then again, she's also been caught out with the old gag about the misprint in the rare copies of the Oxford English Dictionary and went looking to see if our copy didn't contain the word *gullible*

Yes, Stan, I was afraid of that possibility so I went into denial.

Another one: another qualified nurse whom we had invited to our home. Over the phone I carefully went through the directions. "Leave the A55 at junction 23, into Abergele, turn left at the second traffic lights, turn right after ... etc."

After I had finished there was a pause, followed by...

"Right, do you know where the old police station is?"

Or how about 'er indoors grandmother giving us directions...... *do you know where the old chapel was after they knocked it down?*

Real conversation with an American woman in Boston.

She: Excuse me but .. do you have an accent?

Me: No, none. But I think you do.

She: Oh really? No, I'm from New York"



And another:

He: So where are you from, then, ... I mean from London, obviously, but which part?

Me: Wales

He: Right.. I thought so.

A quote from Robert Heinlein: an adult who is neither literate nor numerate is not human. He is at best a monkey who has learned to speak and dress himself.

Stan looks down and realises he has only mastered one of those tasks

Well that's better than a human ...they can only do two!

Took me a minute or two to get that one, I really am a dressed monkey......

Doh!!!
These kids are leaving college with 10 'O' levels and 'A' levels, yet they cannot speak English [its txt speak], know what a verb or a noun is, and cannot add a few numbers together unless they have a calculator.
And they are our future!!!!!!
Wonder if she has American parents??

What type of monkey are you Stan? Thought you were an Ape, as you like aping about!!

Andy.

I'm a baboon

Which part?

Andy.

It's *Get Stan Friday* is it?


Makes a change from work I suppose, where every day is *Get Stan Today*

Yes because they are taught HOW to pass exams rather than anything useful. I still don't understand why things such as what a mortgage is, pensions, loans/debt for example aren't taught at school.

Coooool, can I join in too...

You have webbed feet and you smell

According to JimO, but not stood near Stan yet to comment!!

Andy.

I'm taking my ball and going home........oh, already here.


I don't drive an Alfa

You dont drive Alfas, you admire the interior!!

Andy.

There's someone that gets the idea of an Alfa, its not a car, its a statement and piece of art

Might as well sell the wheels, as they get little use!!

Andy.

admire the interior........of the workshop

16.4 by my calculator and I'm not sure you'd get that many births with aliens zapping a million people a day ... it's one of those things that just doesn't get women in the mood.

Also, if they were smart aliens they'd probably start by killing off the key infrastructure people. Once you've got those who are in charge of providing food and energy to the rest, especially in the West where self-sufficiency is low, then people are going to start dying out naturally at quite a rate anyway.

Perhaps I've given this too much thought.

You never said a truer word

A little while back I had a conversation with my wife, who is a pretty smart cookie (if not keen on maths and science and all that boy stuff).

Her: What would happen if gravity stopped working.

Me: We'd all float off in to space

Her: Only the people in the Southern hemisphere would fall off ... wouldn't they?

True Story:

I did an A level in Design and one day a blonde girl came out with a cracker.

<Teacher>Does anyone know how they make snooker balls and how they ensure they are perfectly round.

Girl raises hand to answer

<Girl>A small centre is premade and then hundreds of small balls are placed in a drum. The drum is turned and heated up, then material is sprayed into the drum and it sticks to the small balls gradually (and evenly). Gradually they get to the desired size.

Teacher looked very confused

<Teacher>Were have you seen this taking place?

<Girl>I not 100% sure, but thats how they make Maltesers....

One small meteor[1], couple of hundred tons arriving with escape velocity, on every major motorway-motorway intersection. Would kill civilisation instantly.

No food in the supermarkets after 24-48 hours; no food in most homes in less than a week; riots in three days though I don't predict cannibalism for at least a month or two.

[1]You *could* use a pony nuke, but for invading aliens, somehow it lacks style...

Oh I don't know - I've always fancied giving it a try.

If I was a survivor in a plane wreck I'd be happy to eat those who'd died.

Possibly even if we'd crashed in, say, Surrey.

Nobody ever wants to sit next to me on flights.

You scare me sometimes Andrew.........

Tsk. It's not the cannibalism that worries people, it's using their rib cages as a plate rack. It's *just not done*, don'tcha know?

Or a xylophone

Hope Angelina Jolie is on my plane when it crashes!

Not enough meat on her, with your luck you'll get Dawn French

I know a joke about that ...

A plane crashes in the Pacific and the only 2 survivors are Angelina Jolie and Fred Bloggs, from Sunderland.

The 2 of them are washed ashore on a uninhabited island and have to search for food, build a shelter, hunt wild animals and so forth.

As time passes they naturally get closer and closer and they become lovers.

For a while all is well, but after a time Fred starts looking a bit depressed. Angelina asks him what's the matter - after all they've got an idylic life; tropical sunshine, good natural food, peace and making love on the beach beneath the moon.

Fred admits that for all his life is wonderful he misses sitting having a pint with his old mate Joe in the Pig & Whistle.

"Never mind" says Angelina "I've got an idea - we'll build a bar then you tell me everything about Joe and I'll dress up in some of the mens clothes that we found after the crash and use my acting skills to become Joe".

Fred brightens at this idea and so, a week later, Angelina is sitting at a bar fashioned from drift wood wearing mens clothing when Fred strolls up.

"Alright, Fred?" asks Angelina in a gruff Northern voice, "How you doing?"

Fred sits down next to her, leans towards her and say, "Joe - you'll never guess who I'm shagging!"