Fiat Coupe Forum
- Founded by Kayjey & James Northam
- Funded by the Club for the benefit of all owners
Fiat Coupe Club UK
join the club
Fiat Coupe Forum
 
» Announced
    Posting images


» Related sites
    Main club site
    fiatcoupe.net


» External data
    owners listed
 
Who's Online Now
2 registered members (PaulL, barnacle), 196 guests, and 1 spider.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums69
Topics113,543
Posts1,340,441
Members1,785
Most Online731
Jan 14th, 2020
Top Posters(All Time)
barnacle 33,521
stan 32,122
Theresa 23,296
PeteP 21,482
bockers 21,070
JimO 17,917
Nigel 17,366
Edinburgh 16,662
RSS Feeds
Club Events
Club Information
Track Events
Rolling Road/RWYB
Social Events
Non-UK Events
Coupé Related Chat
Coupé Spotting
Coupé News/Press
Buying/Selling Advice
Insuring a Coupé
Basic FAQ's
How to Guides
Forum Issues
Technical Problems
General Maintenance
Styling
Tuning
Handling
ICE and Alarm
Coupés for Sale
Coupés Wanted
Parts for Sale
Parts Wanted
Group Buys
Business Forum
Other Vehicles for Sale/Wanted
Other Items for Sale/Wanted
Haggling/Offers
Ebay links
Other Cars
Other Websites
General Chat
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 21 of 27 1 2 19 20 21 22 23 26 27
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1543848
06/07/2015 06:41
06/07/2015 06:41
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Robotrish Offline
Enjoying the ride
Robotrish  Offline
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
The Greek Debt

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100
note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money,
and leaves town.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how the bailout package works!

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1543874
06/07/2015 09:53
06/07/2015 09:53

L
Lego
Unregistered
Lego
Unregistered
L



Brilliant laugh

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1547324
17/08/2015 23:25
17/08/2015 23:25
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,645
J
JKD Offline
Forum is my job
JKD  Offline
Forum is my job
J

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,645
Have you heard of that new pop group?

It's five guys and four of them suffer from impotence.

They're called One Erection.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: JKD] #1547432
18/08/2015 22:38
18/08/2015 22:38
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted "Stop!" but, if anything, that made things worse.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1549054
10/09/2015 23:40
10/09/2015 23:40

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



You've heard about the philosophical problem of whether a tree falling in the forest makes a sound if no-one hears it?

Well here's another conundrum.

If you are alone in a forest and say something, without any women around,

are you still wrong?

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #1549363
14/09/2015 11:29
14/09/2015 11:29
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,895
2011 and 2015 FCCUK F1 Champ.
B
bezzer Offline
Forum is my life
bezzer  Offline
Forum is my life
B

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,895
2011 and 2015 FCCUK F1 Champ.
What did the daddy buffalo say to his son as he waved goodbye to his son on his 1st day at school.


Bison



......My Boy...... (PB #7)
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1549364
14/09/2015 11:30
14/09/2015 11:30
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,895
2011 and 2015 FCCUK F1 Champ.
B
bezzer Offline
Forum is my life
bezzer  Offline
Forum is my life
B

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,895
2011 and 2015 FCCUK F1 Champ.
I bought a bookcase off Bonnie Tyler, but I had to get my money back, because every now and then it fell apart.



......My Boy...... (PB #7)
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1549377
14/09/2015 13:09
14/09/2015 13:09
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I've decided to marry a pencil.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1549380
14/09/2015 13:12
14/09/2015 13:12
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
My late grandad used to only tell people what they wanted to hear.

Lovely man, terrible doctor.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1549381
14/09/2015 13:16
14/09/2015 13:16
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Two blokes are standing outside Doctor Who's Tardis. One says to the other "I can't believe he's going to give us £75 to paint the inside of this."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1549384
14/09/2015 13:20
14/09/2015 13:20
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
A bartender who came last in a cocktail competition has been involved in a serious accident.

He's ok ... just been badly shaken.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Paul_V] #1549460
14/09/2015 23:21
14/09/2015 23:21

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Originally Posted By: Paul_V
Two blokes are standing outside Doctor Who's Tardis. One says to the other "I can't believe he's going to give us £75 to paint the inside of this."



That must be a really old joke, judging by the price!

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Paul_V] #1549470
15/09/2015 00:32
15/09/2015 00:32

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Originally Posted By: Paul_V
I've decided to marry a pencil.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.



I was attracted to a female pencil, too. We were going to get married, have kids, the lot.

I was sadly mislead.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1549489
15/09/2015 08:25
15/09/2015 08:25
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,388
Caston, Norfolk
Blueboyracer Offline
Competition Level
Blueboyracer  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,388
Caston, Norfolk
I heard a crap joke last night at The Ace Cafe - Electrichead Nirvana Night...

Paddy and Mick went to a pub in Mick's new car
After prking right outside Mick went to the bar
'Two pints of Stout please barman...'
All of a sudden Paddy shouts
'Mick your car is being stolen, hurry come and see'
Mick turns just in time for Paddy to shout

'It's fine don't worry I've got the registration'

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1551790
06/10/2015 22:54
06/10/2015 22:54
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 17,114
FCSS 01684 593187
Countrycruising Offline
Club Rep Europe, member 914
Countrycruising  Offline
Club Rep Europe, member 914
Forum veteran

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 17,114
FCSS 01684 593187
Physics joke.

Peter Higgs walks into a church.

The Priest says "We don't allow atheists in here".

Higgs replies, "Ah, you'll need me for the Mass".

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1551801
07/10/2015 06:35
07/10/2015 06:35
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,522
Berlin
barnacle Online happy
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
barnacle  Online Happy
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
Forum Demigod

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,522
Berlin
Oh well played sir!

Traffic cop: Good evening, Mr Schroedinger. Did you know you have a dead cat in your boot?
Schroedinger: Not until you opened it!


[Linked Image]
Don't get no respect! Coupe Fiat 1994-2000 - an owner's guide <-- clicky!
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1551852
07/10/2015 17:56
07/10/2015 17:56
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Robotrish Offline
Enjoying the ride
Robotrish  Offline
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
A son is chatting to his dad and asks him,
Dad "what's a Eunuch?"

Rather startled his dad replies,
"Oh thats a man whose cut-out, to be a Bachelor"

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1551878
07/10/2015 21:34
07/10/2015 21:34
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Thanks to Volkswagen, I'm now even starting to doubt if Herbie was a true story.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1551882
07/10/2015 21:47
07/10/2015 21:47
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I once saw Meatloaf in a restaurant, choking on a piece of German sausage.

I saved his life that night.

I took the wurst right out of his mouth.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1551883
07/10/2015 21:50
07/10/2015 21:50
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I bought a Liverpudlian advent calendar in readiness for Christmas.

It comes with a crowbar to open the windows.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1551884
07/10/2015 21:51
07/10/2015 21:51
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I remember being in class 4B2 at school.

We were as thick as two short planks.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1551885
07/10/2015 22:11
07/10/2015 22:11
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
A woman came up to me in the the street and asked if I'd help save a tree.

So I took her car keys.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Paul_V] #1590473
18/12/2016 22:23
18/12/2016 22:23

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Three nuns were at the pearly gates and God wanted to ask them a final question before he let them in.

First nun: What is 2+2?

Oh, that's an easy one . 2+2 =4!

Second nun: What is the capital of France?

Piece of cake. That would be Paris.

Third nun: What did the actress say to the bishop 'round the back of the pulpit?

Oh dear! That's a hard one!

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1590475
18/12/2016 23:24
18/12/2016 23:24
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,988
Sunny Darlo
Wishy Offline
Forum is my life
Wishy  Offline
Forum is my life

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,988
Sunny Darlo
One for the kids (of a certain age at least).

Why did Tigger stick his head down the toilet?

Because he was looking for poo(h)


Up yours Photobucket.
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1590477
19/12/2016 00:01
19/12/2016 00:01
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 16,662
Auld Reekie
Edinburgh Offline
Club President, member225
Edinburgh  Offline
Club President, member225
Forum veteran

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 16,662
Auld Reekie
What time does Andy Murray go to bed?


Ten-ish


BumbleBee carer smile
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1590480
19/12/2016 00:11
19/12/2016 00:11
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,482
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
PeteP  Offline
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,482
Aldershot
I tried to catch some fog at Heathrow this morning but I mist.


16VT and X1/9 1500

We must all do our part for the planet.
I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1590495
19/12/2016 06:23
19/12/2016 06:23
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,522
Berlin
barnacle Online happy
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
barnacle  Online Happy
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
Forum Demigod

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,522
Berlin
Oi, it's not time for bad cracker jokes yet!


[Linked Image]
Don't get no respect! Coupe Fiat 1994-2000 - an owner's guide <-- clicky!
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1594295
15/02/2017 08:41
15/02/2017 08:41
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 559
S Wales
Morrison Offline
Club member 1566
Morrison  Offline
Club member 1566
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 559
S Wales
I can cut down a tree just by looking at it.

It's true.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1594519
18/02/2017 13:02
18/02/2017 13:02
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Robotrish Offline
Enjoying the ride
Robotrish  Offline
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."

God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"

He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".

God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama , and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"

Hillary says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honour are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."

God is greatly moved by Hillary's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"

Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1595614
03/03/2017 15:45
03/03/2017 15:45
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,112
The clues in the name
D
DanTheManc Offline
Competition Level
DanTheManc  Offline
Competition Level
D

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,112
The clues in the name
Brummie walks into a tailors.
"Alroit, mate. I'd like a 70s suit, please."
The tailor says, "Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?"
Brummie says, "Thanks mate, two sugars please."


2000 Moony 20VT6
VXR
BMW 335i
BMW M135i
2017 Cupra 290 Black Edition
Page 21 of 27 1 2 19 20 21 22 23 26 27

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1
(Release build 20190129)
PHP: 7.3.33 Page Time: 0.038s Queries: 16 (0.022s) Memory: 0.9046 MB (Peak: 1.1150 MB) Data Comp: Off Server Time: 2024-03-29 08:00:14 UTC