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Topic Options
#1595616 - 03/03/2017 16:49 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: DanTheManc]
oxfordSteve Offline
Forum is my job

Registered: 16/12/2006
Posts: 3909
Loc: The Faringdon Folly
Originally Posted By DanTheManc
Brummie walks into a tailors.
"Alroit, mate. I'd like a 70s suit, please."
The tailor says, "Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?"
Brummie says, "Thanks mate, two sugars please."


*Copyright Noddy Holder 1976
_________________________



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#1596117 - 09/03/2017 09:57 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: oxfordSteve]
JKD Online   content
Forum is my job

Registered: 20/09/2008
Posts: 4384
Loc:
I bought a stairlift the other day which turned out to be faulty. It's been driving me up the wall.

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#1614066 - 05/01/2018 13:03 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: JKD]
bezzer Offline
Forum is my life

Registered: 16/12/2005
Posts: 5862
Loc: 2011 and 2015 FCCUK F1 Champ.
Holy thread resurrection, Batman!



When it comes to nuclear war, the main difference is -

North Korea have a desk with a button..

America have a desk with a knob!

coat
_________________________

......My Boy...... (PB #7)

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#1614067 - 05/01/2018 13:10 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer]
Edinburgh Offline
Club member 225
Je suis un Coupé

Registered: 04/03/2007
Posts: 9921
Loc: Auld Reekie
laugh
_________________________


So there, Photobucket...

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#1614236 - 09/01/2018 13:05 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM]
Morrison Offline
Club member 1566
Making a profit

Registered: 29/07/2007
Posts: 288
Loc: S Wales
What's green, fuzzy and would likely kill you if it fell out of a tree?


A pool table.

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#1614535 - 16/01/2018 00:36 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Morrison]
JKD Online   content
Forum is my job

Registered: 20/09/2008
Posts: 4384
Loc:
Mods please move this if it's not suitable. It's actually a serious post, but as I've been having this issue since last week that actually sounds so stupid (well, most of my car problems do, come to think of it) and is annoying me so much, I thought I'd might as well as add it to this thread. At least get a chuckle out of it as well as some much needed advice. rolleyes

Basically, I did an oil change on my Coop and since then there's been a chirping sound coming from the engine. It happens whether the engine is idling, revving, cold, hot - basically all the time.

The strangest thing is it seems loudest in the early hours of the morning, regardless of whether the engine is hot or cold. So basically, say I start it up at 6am. The chirping is at maximum volume. I let the engine get really hot. I then turn it off. I then start it up again immediately. The chirping will still be at maximum volume. But then, one day I may not start the car up until the evening, and when I do turn it on (obviously a cold start), the chirping volume will be half of what it was as described in the former scenario.

I've checked the oil level and it seems ok. Also the car drives fine too. It's just that this sound is so bad. I used to think the Coop's squeaking brakes gave me a headache but this is literally giving me a migraine.

Has anyone else had this problem with Kestrel GTX?

Thanks.

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#1614741 - 19/01/2018 19:56 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: JKD]
G_Man Offline
Club member 1656
Enjoying the ride

Registered: 16/03/2006
Posts: 707
Loc: Warrington
My mum said I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti but you should have seen her face when I drove pasta.. coat

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#1614746 - 19/01/2018 21:44 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: G_Man]
JKD Online   content
Forum is my job

Registered: 20/09/2008
Posts: 4384
Loc:
A man was at a car dealership one day, looking to buy a new car.

However, none of the cars that were on display there interested him.

He was about to leave when one of the salesmen who had taken a customer for a test drive in an Audi, drove past him with his window down. The man suddenly sneezed and one of his glass eyes came flying out. It went through the open window and ended up in the Audi.

The salesman stopped the car, got out and gave the man his glass eye back.

Putting his glass eye back in, the man said to the salesman, ''I'm interested in buying this car. It really caught my eye.''

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#1614759 - 20/01/2018 10:40 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: JKD]
Paul_V Offline
My life on the forum

Registered: 25/11/2006
Posts: 1995
Loc: Costa Del Sawley
Two people just knocked on the door asking if I would be interested in donating money to Greenpeace.

"No thanks mate." I said. "I've still got two bags of frozen ones left over from Christmas."

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#1617329 - 15/03/2018 14:30 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM]
kev_megadon Offline
Making a profit

Registered: 20/01/2006
Posts: 270
Loc: Kidderminster
Asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said "heres a clue, former England goalkeeper".

How was I supposed to know she meant Flowers...

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#1617352 - 16/03/2018 06:35 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM]
barnacle Online   happy
Club Member 18 - Membership Secretary
Forum Demigod

Registered: 17/12/2005
Posts: 31719
Loc: Hemel in the Hempstead
Not the south gate, then? (grin, duck, run...)
_________________________

Don't get no respect! Coupe Fiat 1994-2000 - an owner's guide <-- clicky!

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#1617394 - 16/03/2018 18:55 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: barnacle]
G_Man Offline
Club member 1656
Enjoying the ride

Registered: 16/03/2006
Posts: 707
Loc: Warrington
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night - should have had it on aloha temperature rolleyes

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#1617573 - 20/03/2018 08:21 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: barnacle]
bezzer Offline
Forum is my life

Registered: 16/12/2005
Posts: 5862
Loc: 2011 and 2015 FCCUK F1 Champ.
Originally Posted By barnacle
Not the south gate, then? (grin, duck, run...)


I'm assuming it was the pony-tailed David, he of Arsenal and England.......
_________________________

......My Boy...... (PB #7)

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#1617764 - 24/03/2018 15:42 Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer]
JKD Online   content
Forum is my job

Registered: 20/09/2008
Posts: 4384
Loc:
A guy who loves playing pranks decides to go around and stick wrong badges on any debadged cars that he comes across.

He first sees a Lotus Elise. He smiles as he sticks on a Volvo badge.

Next he spots an Alfa Romeo 4C. He chuckles as he sticks on a Citroen badge.

He then finds a Porsche 911. He giggles as he sticks on a Skoda badge.

He finally sees a car but he doesn't know what it is. And with tears rolling down his face from laughing so hard that his stomach hurts, he sticks a Fiat badge on a Fiat Coupe.

coat

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