1 registered members (Echodelta),
196
guests, and 3
spiders. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums69
Topics113,680
Posts1,341,727
Members1,827
|
Most Online731 Jan 14th, 2020
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1380231
25/09/2012 21:43
25/09/2012 21:43
|
Big_Muzzie
Unregistered
|
Big_Muzzie
Unregistered
|
How many times to 30 go into 15? Lots of times if you're a C of E maths teacher!
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1380287
26/09/2012 08:33
26/09/2012 08:33
|
Big_Muzzie
Unregistered
|
Big_Muzzie
Unregistered
|
No wonder kids are these days. To pass their Maths exam they need to do French oral!
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1380317
26/09/2012 11:08
26/09/2012 11:08
|
Truffle
Unregistered
|
Truffle
Unregistered
|
That's teaching. One day you're taking the register, the next you're appearing on one.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1380358
26/09/2012 14:29
26/09/2012 14:29
|
Naf
Unregistered
|
Naf
Unregistered
|
Man rolls over in bed and grins at his wife. She says "Not tonight darling I've got a gynaechologists appointment tomorrow and I want to stay clean". The man rolls back feeling rejected...... 5 mins later he rolls back over and asks "Do you have a dentist appointment?"
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1380506
26/09/2012 22:42
26/09/2012 22:42
|
Enforcer
Unregistered
|
Enforcer
Unregistered
|
And following on neatly from that:
Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went backwards and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1410970
14/02/2013 19:14
14/02/2013 19:14
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702 Cornwall
jasgol
Enjoying the ride
|
Enjoying the ride
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
|
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
Horsing around's a serious business.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1410973
14/02/2013 19:16
14/02/2013 19:16
|
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,783 In the coupe.
magooagain
Club Member 259
|
Club Member 259
Forum is my life
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,783
In the coupe.
|
Chinese macdonalds are now seving quater panda's.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1410977
14/02/2013 19:29
14/02/2013 19:29
|
Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
|
Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
|
Giraffe walks into irish bar, orderes a drink and falls asleep on the floor.
A bloke walks in and spots the giraffe "what's that lying down there"? He asks the barman
"It's not a lion it's a giraffe".....replys the barman.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1414300
05/03/2013 00:06
05/03/2013 00:06
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,527 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
|
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,527
Aldershot
|
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.
One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1414691
06/03/2013 22:22
06/03/2013 22:22
|
Enforcer
Unregistered
|
Enforcer
Unregistered
|
“Can I have a double Jack and coke please?” I slurred.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, sir?” He replied.
“What? Listen dickhead, I could out-drink anyone. ANYONE! Do you hear me? I’ve been drinking for three days and am going to continue drinking for the rest of the week. Nobody is going to tell me I’ve had enough. So, can I have a double Jack and coke please?”
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step out of your vehicle."
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1414709
07/03/2013 00:01
07/03/2013 00:01
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,546 Northumberland
AndrewR
I AM a Coop
|
I AM a Coop
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,546
Northumberland
|
A man runs into the bar and says, "Quick! Give me a triple whisky!". He downs it in one and then informs the bartender, "Of course, I shouldn't really be having this with what I've got."
"Why?" asks the barman, "What have you got?"
"About 28p", says the bloke.
Dear monos, a secret truth.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1415840
13/03/2013 18:21
13/03/2013 18:21
|
dlongstaff
Unregistered
|
dlongstaff
Unregistered
|
I went to a zoo and there was only a dog. It was a shitzu. That is the funniest joke I have ever heard almost! Skip to 30 seconds on the clip. There are a twenty following seconds of thee most funniest thing I ever heard (in my opinion) CLIP
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1415850
13/03/2013 19:18
13/03/2013 19:18
|
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,446 Essex
evo_number_one
My job on the forum
|
My job on the forum
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,446
Essex
|
Knock knock. Who's there? Doorbell Repair Man.
105
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1416667
18/03/2013 22:35
18/03/2013 22:35
|
tim42
Unregistered
|
tim42
Unregistered
|
I went to a zoo and there was only a dog. It was a shitzu. That is the funniest joke I have ever heard almost! Skip to 30 seconds on the clip. There are a twenty following seconds of thee most funniest thing I ever heard (in my opinion) CLIP Brilliant! I only have a pet wookie.....
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Nellybear]
#1416808
19/03/2013 20:35
19/03/2013 20:35
|
Alesi
Unregistered
|
Alesi
Unregistered
|
Boris Johnson finally admits he'd like to be prime minister
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1417813
24/03/2013 22:48
24/03/2013 22:48
|
Nello
Unregistered
|
Nello
Unregistered
|
Shakespeare walks into a bar.......... ........Landlord - "I'm not serving you..........you're bard"
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1418174
26/03/2013 20:03
26/03/2013 20:03
|
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,446 Essex
evo_number_one
My job on the forum
|
My job on the forum
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,446
Essex
|
Paddy gets in his car after a busy day at work. Its a very warm evening, so he switches on the aircon, turns it up full whack and through the centre dash vents. He starts to drive home. Suddenly, from nowhere, a tree appears in front of him! Startled, he wrenches the wheel left to avoid it, but immediately there is another tree! He swerves back to right but then there is another! Swerving back to the left and yet again another tree, and another back to the right! With sweat pouring down his face, the "slalom" is continuous until he is aware of a siren and then a blue flashing of lights, and he pulls the car into the kerb. Exhausted, he slumps over the wheel. "Excuse me Sir" says the Officer, now at his window. "Your erratic driving would lead me to believe that you have been drinking" "No no",says Paddy over the whir of the aircon "it was those damned trees in the road back there". The office leans lower,looks through the window and declares "You daft ****, thats your air-freshener swinging about"!
105
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1418535
28/03/2013 13:28
28/03/2013 13:28
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,527 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
|
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,527
Aldershot
|
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.' Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .' Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?' Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute. Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?' This goes on for another few minutes until.... Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street .'
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1419952
04/04/2013 20:07
04/04/2013 20:07
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702 Cornwall
jasgol
Enjoying the ride
|
Enjoying the ride
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
|
Handed in my notice at the helium balloon factory. I was sick of my boss.
No-one talks to me in that tone of voice.
Horsing around's a serious business.
|
|
|
Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1420707
08/04/2013 16:20
08/04/2013 16:20
|
Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
|
Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
|
Jimmy now Maggie, it's a good time for minors
|
|
|
|