At the moment - and for the foreseeable future - I don't have a car. A combination of financial circumstances, hindered by the untimely demise of my Kia Sedona, and a lack of everyday need for a car means that there is no replacement on the horizon.
However, I haven't stopped loving cars and hopefully one day I'll be in a position to buy another one. This has led to a slightly confusing twist to my perpetual window shopping: I have no idea what type of car to fantasise about. I'm not talking about supercar-type fantasy, just literal imagining of ownership.

The brief is pretty broad and I'm really just seeking a bit of thought and discussion about different approaches to owning a motor vehicle.

The only thing that would be essential at this stage would be that we need at least 5 seats. When that changes - once kids start to leave home, a whole new world of possibilities opens up (including a notable Italian 4-seater).

The trouble is, I can convince myself that a small, minimalist cheap-as-chips diesel is the way to go just as easily as a gas guzzling execu-barge. Unless my life changes drastically, I won't need to do enough miles to demand one solution over another.
Before it unceremoniously expired, I was really beginning to enjoy the endless, effortless practicality of the Sedona, something I never thought I'd say. Dynamically, it was like driving an economy-sized block of cheddar, but I'd still consider another.

However, recently, I've been trying to work out the ultimate combination of comfort, performance and practicality for under a nominal £5k. That really should include any work that needs doing plus insurance, but I could be flexible on that - it's my game!

Bonus points are available for every £500 under budget.

Can any clever people devise a formula for motoring bang per buck that factors in running costs, fun and style?

Shed of the Week on Pistonheads has been providing me with a lot of food for thought.

Current favourite is a Saab 9-5 2.3t Aero HOT.

Other ideas?

I've said it before, but for cheap motoring with a good bit of space you want a 1600cc Citroën Picasso. You can have one on the road sub 1k. Mine stood me just under 700 quid for the year.

There's 0 cool points. However the TU engine revs quite well and the torsion beam chassis gives you plenty of characterful comfort.

You see, initially I thought "nah, don't fancy that!", but on reflection, it's true that no cool points combines neatly with don't-give-a-sh1t paintwork, and low-cost comfortable motoring. The equivalent of my old 2000 Brava, which I still think was the best value car I ever bought.

Ok, good first effort, though I am still leaning towards a bit more horsepower...

The 1800?

Er, maybe...! Is there a turbo version to be remapped...?

Quite literally been there, done that and loved it - up to a point! When I said gas-guzzler...!

Go on Jim, she's looking for a new home...

No street cred, but what about a 1.9 diesel Zafira???
Pretty versatile, lots about and I believe quite a good drive, for not lots of money? Better than an Astra, but shame it is GM as they are responsible for anything I don't like about my Saab 9-3.

They also did a mad, bad Zafira with something like 200bhp, if you want to go for a fast van!!!???

Mercedes C43
Mercedes C32
Volvo T5
Audi S4
Subaru Legacy
MG ZT V8

All fairly practical, especially in estate form.

4.8 v8 grand cherokee, 01-ish

£1000 gets you memory elec seats etc, 4wd, space and great grunt

Given your low mileage, how about something classic?
This Citroen CX Turbo would be a pile of trouble great with its enormous interior, huge waft, and you might find people letting you out at junctions etc. because they want a better look.

This is the ultimate in effortless, silent and beautiful movement. You will be the gentleman that always gets let out of junctions and if you want to hoon and sound a bit like an old F1 car then with some new pipes you can!

2 litre diesel is the best you'll get in standard trim. But, here's the good bit. Most PSA cars of that era seem to built from the same parts bin. Big brakes needed? No problem 306 GTi6 front brakes are bolt on, same for the Brembo calipers from the 406 coupé. Maybe even use the v6 engine also?

Consider the definition of a proper bolide...

A gentleman's conveyance should have more cylinders than wheels and more wheels than seats.

This might restrict your considerations to a more, er, distinctive selection.

Ah, so you mean a 3 cylinder motorbike, like this?

But wait, Jim wants 5 seats, so he needs a 6 wheeled vehicle with a V8 engine perhaps? One of these perhaps?

Or one of these maybe?

Some amusing suggestions, except the last one. Skinflint, I don't care how many wheels it's got, it's still a bloody Land Rover!

You need one of the 6 wheel Range Rovers then.
You could find a Sbarro one and drive in the lap of luxury.

I misread that as "dive in the lap of luxury". Something very different indeed.

Indeed

read this blog written just for you Jim!

Buses for you to chose from.

How about this?

Fast, practical and only £2195

Some interesting ideas. Like that blog - I've either owned or considered most of that list! When we did our "transport the family to France on holiday" adventure (eventually won by the Chevy Astro), we looked at minibuses and indeed buses. There were some awesome ex tour-buses which were amazing, but probably deeply unhygienic having been inhabited by who-knows-what band.

I have to say I've never shared the love for the XJS - I always thought it was the epitome of seventies disappointment; lacklustre design, crap quality - a missed opportunity. Definitely a car of its time!

Neat though Barnacle's definition of bolide is, I'm going to struggle to match it with my needs - which is almost the raison d'etre of this thread - 5 (or even 7) seats. I just don't want more than 2 axles or 4 tyres, thanks!

I quite like that Mitsubishi, though there are no performance figures, I suspect it shifts (in a straight line, anyway).

This still looks good to me...

Just buy it - bargain!

I think the V12 XJS is about as under rated as a car can be! The engine is a peach, they have a beautiful interior and kill miles in massive comfort. The rear is ok if you're a dwarf.

Top bargain - have a look at the 330d BMW's on Autotrader, for quite a bit less than £5k you're getting great performance and 48mpg - possibly my next car once i'm fed up of visiting every petrol station so i can feed this M3

My friend owned a SAAB 9-5 HOT, it was terrible on fuel. Terrible

Yup, I think fuel would be the killer, but as this is hypothetical and I'm not anticipating needing to do vast mileage, I can consider something a bit thirsty. But not like the Astro... Or the Land Rover. That 2 1/4 litre engine drank more than the V8.

I did love our 530d M-Sport, so a 330d could be a contender, though as the kids have got bigger, I don't know that moving to a smaller version of a car we already had would be a good thing.

Did I mention that a manual gearbox is much preferred?

BANG! all boxes ticked!

I thank you.