Valentines Day happens 364 days a year in our house,

along with a special pendant

Staying in and hope the wife decides to wear the pressie I bought her

Staying in and hope the wife decides to wear the pressie I bought her

Yeah, I've bought my wife a Burka as well.

Aren't all ducks vegetarian?

But fish count as vegetables. I'm sure lots of people who claim to be vegetarian eat fish, so therefore they must be vegetables.

And yes, that sentence was intended to be ambiguous amphibious.

As always his tea ready when he walks through the door after his hard day at work kiss on the cheek, then will give him his card and chocs, and he will say 'cheers Hun, I haven't got you anything'

But this year is also leap year so watch this space!!!!

Girls just like being spoilt and even when you guys say 'don't expect anything or ' I don't do valentines day' us girls still hope deep down that you will prove us wrong!

Ok i'm going to have to ask.

How on earth can you have Vegetarian crispy duck?

Guys tend to say what they mean, which is why questions such as, "Does my bum look big in this?" are so dangerous to harmonious relationships.

Some phrases have huge difference in meanings depending on whether they're spoken by a male or a female that it's amazing we, as a species, manage to communicate at all. Examples...

"We need to go shopping"
Female meaning - we need to spend 5 or 6 hours looking at shoes and dresses, before you buy me lots of wonderful and beautiful things.
Male meaning - there's no beer left in the cold white thing in the kitchen.

"Let's have a quiet night in"
Female meaning - we should cuddle for hours on the sofa, watch a film full of 'hilarious' romantic misunderstandings and then have a chat about maybe having babies one day.
Male meaning - there's something on telly I want to see (subtle sub-text, the key word in that sentence is "quiet")

"I've invite some friends round this weekend"
Female meaning - we're hosting a sophisticated dinner party, with inane chat, wine that cost more than our usual weekly food budget and posh food with 'jus' instead of gravy.
Male meaning - Charlie, Freddie, Baz and 'Dirty' Dave are coming round to drink beer, watch the new porn film Dave downloaded and we're all going to shout encouragement to the actors on screen and rate all of the women on a would/wouldn't scale.

"I haven't got you much for Valentine's day"
Female meaning - I've spent a f'ing fortune on you, but I'm worried that it will all be stuff you don't like; cuddly toys, nice clothes, soft-centre chocolates and DVDs you'd rather eat than watch.
Male meaning - I've got you a card.

"We need to have a chat"
Female meaning - after the whole Valentine fiasco I'm feeling a bit vulnerable. I need you to listen to my disjointed woes and then comfort me while I have a good old cry. I need to be reassured that you still love me and care for me and that you always will. I'd feel better if you got so worried that you were about to lose me that you made some grand romantic gesture to sweep me off my feet and maybe even cried a bit yourself. Perhaps at then end of the evening we can make gentle love on a sheepskin rug in front of an open fire (or, at least, that's what I'll be fantasising about when you do your usual three-push-Percy routine on the Argos duvet in front of the 3-bar fire).
Male meaning - I fancy your sister more than you, and I think she might be up for it if I dump you.

I know it's an old question, but why do vegetarians preach the benefits of their diet, then try to make it taste like mine?

and yes I am a bit nuts