Bored this morning as its a bit quiet till after our crew change. Ive still got a week to go out of my 4 week stint and just thought it would be interesting to see what everyone does for a living.

Im an Instrument technician by trade and worked offshore in the North Sea Oil & Gas industry for 23 years before heading overseas in 2013 to work offshore in the Caspian Sea (Azerbaijan). Ive held every position from technician, supervisor to controls consultant and now I train, coach, assess and supervise the national workforce in line with the company competency management assurance system so that one day they can take over the operation themselves......might be a while.

Just starting a new project in April (currently the largest in the world) which sees me onshore in the shipyard commissioning a new twin jacket gas platform (Shah Deniz 2) that will eventually be located in the Caspian Sea and will supply gas to Europe as far as Italy through the biggest pipeline network in the world.

Subsea engineer in Italy. Well at least for the next 4 months......

DBA for a managed service provider. I also do a lot of SCCM admin as well.

Product and automotive design consultant

Design engineer (electronics) for many years, now teaching.

BIM database/software testing design and support.

I deal with mental illness, marriage guidance/counselling, general heath matters (best one ever is advice over a bent penis), new car/house purchases, legal advice, whether you should put a static home into your pension (that was the best one this week...) and absolutely anything to do with running a business. I'm an accountant...

Mon to Thurs - Practice Manager for a Financial Planner
Fri - Operations Manager for chemical company
Sat - part-time secondhand parts salesman at Motormech
Sat/Sun - owner / director for software company

Pis sartist

General dogs body for a well known facilities company with a crap reputation...
.think I need a change

French to English freelance translator. Amongst other things...

I build, manage, train and consult for pitches to premiership level soccer clubs.

Last 6 years in Azerbaijan and eastern Europe (though it's not really eastern europe - they say they are, but they're not), built 12 pitches for a state of the art academy and premiership club with Tony Adams (Gabala FC). Consulted and managed the construction or make over for all the pitches in Baku for the FIFA U17 World cup. Worked at Galatasaray FC, Trabzonspor FC and Kasimpasa FC turning around their playing surfaces, also for Bunyodkor FC in Uzbekistan.

I returned to Gabala 2 years ago.....

Before this I taught at Uni level sports turf management, I am a qualified agronomist and have written 2 books on the management of grass; aimed at the homeowner (biggest market). One I sold the copyright and the other is and actual book and can be purchased from a number of retailers.

Have been doing this for 28 years now, bar a two year break to be the MD of a internet job site .... now sold.

There's more, but it will bore you to death .... not for me though

Full time juggler, and on weekends my name is Josephine

Plasterer,builder ,digger driver and occasional vehicle transporter. Would be globe traveller.

Full-time designer. Graphic design, interior architecture, brand strategy, etc.

Editor & art director for a Porsche owners club magazine.

DJ for the world’s biggest burlesque club.

Coded welder in the oil industry for over 30 years, I'm now a carer in the community.

I expect you've seen "Josephine" in there a few times...

At last .... now the long hair makes sense

Freelance Construction project manager working in retail and cafe sectors

Hybrid Cloud Account Manager for a large blue chip company.

I work for Total Innovation Time Solutions.

Devising novel solutions to elevate business acumen to stratospheric levels of egregiousness. Influencing via peripatetic methods to enable soft skills and blue sky thinking, while remaining entirely customer focussed.

Past commendations include:

After receiving my solution from T.I.T.S, I was able to release my innermost detritus from great altitude, covering my workforce in the most efficient way. I really can't recommend them at all.

Malcolm Talcum, Director of Guano Incorporated.


[in the best of British self deprecation, just taking the p** out of some of the stuff I come across in work.....]

I'm a key player in high-design wood and metal, the general tone is pretty black and white really.

I do absolutely nothing that I don't want to do these days.

Today I almost got round to taking out the coupe's right hand rear wheel-arch shield to check for any peeling seam sealer or underseal.
Perhaps I will do it tomorrow, but then I may crawl under the front to check on electrical connections to the starter motor instead.

When I had to do things that I didn't really want to I was initially a deck officer driving oil tankers all over the world for Shell Tankers back when there was a significant British merchant navy.

After that I finished up a manger in a computer peripherals manufacturing company. I specialised in material and production control, distribution and warehousing as well as introducing advanced computer systems to reduce inventory and production costs.
I also got to know the motorway network between home, Staines and Winsford before the M6(Toll) was built.

That was all pretty well a waste of time as most of that industry is now Far East based thanks to short sighted policies of corporate greed back in the 1980s and 1990s.

Still it paid for the house and living expenses, and for a long time I didn't have to buy my own car.

Software Development Engineer in the Telecoms Industry.

I'm somewhere between taxman and banker. That's right, I'm an estate agent.

I teach secondary school kids. Science (Physics), and Computer Science.

Its mad, stupidly poorly paid for the amount of agro (don't believe the recent 65k salaries quoted in the TV adds, that applies to 1 in 1000 teachers, most of whom are at leadership team level and no longer teach), is like a roller coaster ride, and anyone who mentions long holidays to me, I will personally introduce to the joys of lesson planning, assessment marking, and book marking, which apparently have to be done at home!!

Having said that, it works on building positive working relationships with the pupils, and can be hugely satisfying now and then.

I previously spent 27 years in the pharmaceutical industry, starting as a medical database designer, statistical programmer, and ultimately biometrics project manager and process/system project manager. What a heap of sh*te that was. Every day spent selling my soul to the great US corporate satan. And totally hypercritically, they made me redundant twice, which allowed me to choose to teach, which I am able to do by continuing to live off my severance payouts.

It is, without doubt, a crazy world, this place, and the madness will allow me to fully retire in the next few years!!!

R&D Manager for an American filtration company.

Specialising in the Food & Beverage market, eg beer, wine and bottled water.

I'm a PMD software analyst for a well know pub/restaurant group, but my youth was a bit more bohemian!

There sure is diversity here, but then I guess, why wouldn't there be?

I wonder what jobs other car owners do?

Oh well, just for good measure, I've also held a PSV (now PCV) licence for 25 years, now well-lapsed.

Worked for Midland Scottish, Central Scottish, then at Victoria Coach Station in the 80's looking after Scottish Citylink arrivals/departures, crew, lost luggage etc with a couple of other chaps. (just visible behind front door)


After returning to Scotland ended up double-manning non-stoppers from Stirling to London via Glasgow for Scottish Citylink twice a week with my mate Jim, huge chap and what a driver. Quite fun and a few stories

Mechanical Engineering. CNC operator running this machine