When someone figures out how they find their way home, will they then tell me how they find recently cleaned cars.

We don't live on a lay line and we are miles above the magnetic core of the earth.

I've had all the negative ions removed. Before anyone asks if I'm sure, I'm positive.

A few years ago a mobile windscreen fitter had just polished the screen he had fitted to my 2 CV 30 seconds before, when 2 pigeons shat simultaneously, one on the windscreen, the other right on his head.

Another one destroyed the windscreen of my company Montego when it flew straight into it, I was doing 70 plus, it was probably doing 50. Hit right in front of my face and shattered the entire width of the screen. Shook the wife up a bit. Bloke on the bike following was wiping his visor afterwards.

I was 70 miles from home, fortunately it wasn't raining. Got funny looks when I pulled into my work car park spot the next day.

Even longer ago one shat on the rear deck of my old Spitfire and it got baked on really hard, When I finally managed to clean it off it had eaten through the paint and corroded the steel underneath.

I really don't like pigeons.

Shortly after meeting my missus, we went on a weekend break to Chester. After deciding to go for a posh meal, I parked up in a quaint square and enjoyed a delicious lamb shank roast. When we walked back to the car (white Golf R estate) a couple of hours later, we realised that it was covered in what can only be described as bucket loads of bird shit. Only a dozen or so other cars were in the car park and no of them had any on them at all. It was dripping down all windows to the point that the wipers couldn’t clear it and the side windows were unusable. We had to limp away to find a local carwash (thankfully there was one within a mile) and take it off in one of those horrid automatic spinning roller types.

To this day, I have no idea how this happened. It wasn’t parked under a tree or aerial and having initially suspected someone had thrown a load of bread or similar to bring the birds in as a prank, there were no remaining traces or people laughing in the distance as I looked on in confusion. I didn't even see any pigeons or seagulls in the vicinity. The missus found it hilarious – I didn’t.

Pete

Vickers Supermarine ?

Paul,

Nah, Triumph unfortunately compared to the Supermarine namesake.

Did once fly in a Hawker Hunter 2 seat trainer back when I was at school though.