Living in rural Dorset it's a consant battle to keep the cars clean; mud, floods and mud or worse from tractor tyres mean the roads are a mess. But it's not just the threat from below, my garden is surrounded by trees so we have the airborne attack from birds. This morning it looks as though they were engaged in 'birds**t darts' with the filler cap being the bull's eye. As I was washing it away I could hear them up in the trees cackling away and I had a vision of the scene in Blazing Saddles where the cowboys are sitting around the camp fire after their beans.This time it was birds and not f**ting, "what's that? Did one of them say 180?"

Not on the coupe, but I once had a windscreen fitted on my drive under an oak tree.

The chap had fitted it, cleaned and polished it when 2 pigeons let go almost simultaneously.

One got the windscreen, the other got the poor fitter right on his balding head.

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