There's someone that gets the idea of an Alfa, its not a car, its a statement and piece of art

Might as well sell the wheels, as they get little use!!

Andy.

admire the interior........of the workshop

16.4 by my calculator and I'm not sure you'd get that many births with aliens zapping a million people a day ... it's one of those things that just doesn't get women in the mood.

Also, if they were smart aliens they'd probably start by killing off the key infrastructure people. Once you've got those who are in charge of providing food and energy to the rest, especially in the West where self-sufficiency is low, then people are going to start dying out naturally at quite a rate anyway.

Perhaps I've given this too much thought.

You never said a truer word

A little while back I had a conversation with my wife, who is a pretty smart cookie (if not keen on maths and science and all that boy stuff).

Her: What would happen if gravity stopped working.

Me: We'd all float off in to space

Her: Only the people in the Southern hemisphere would fall off ... wouldn't they?

True Story:

I did an A level in Design and one day a blonde girl came out with a cracker.

<Teacher>Does anyone know how they make snooker balls and how they ensure they are perfectly round.

Girl raises hand to answer

<Girl>A small centre is premade and then hundreds of small balls are placed in a drum. The drum is turned and heated up, then material is sprayed into the drum and it sticks to the small balls gradually (and evenly). Gradually they get to the desired size.

Teacher looked very confused

<Teacher>Were have you seen this taking place?

<Girl>I not 100% sure, but thats how they make Maltesers....

One small meteor[1], couple of hundred tons arriving with escape velocity, on every major motorway-motorway intersection. Would kill civilisation instantly.

No food in the supermarkets after 24-48 hours; no food in most homes in less than a week; riots in three days though I don't predict cannibalism for at least a month or two.

[1]You *could* use a pony nuke, but for invading aliens, somehow it lacks style...

Oh I don't know - I've always fancied giving it a try.

If I was a survivor in a plane wreck I'd be happy to eat those who'd died.

Possibly even if we'd crashed in, say, Surrey.

Nobody ever wants to sit next to me on flights.

You scare me sometimes Andrew.........

Tsk. It's not the cannibalism that worries people, it's using their rib cages as a plate rack. It's *just not done*, don'tcha know?

Or a xylophone

Hope Angelina Jolie is on my plane when it crashes!

Not enough meat on her, with your luck you'll get Dawn French

I know a joke about that ...

A plane crashes in the Pacific and the only 2 survivors are Angelina Jolie and Fred Bloggs, from Sunderland.

The 2 of them are washed ashore on a uninhabited island and have to search for food, build a shelter, hunt wild animals and so forth.

As time passes they naturally get closer and closer and they become lovers.

For a while all is well, but after a time Fred starts looking a bit depressed. Angelina asks him what's the matter - after all they've got an idylic life; tropical sunshine, good natural food, peace and making love on the beach beneath the moon.

Fred admits that for all his life is wonderful he misses sitting having a pint with his old mate Joe in the Pig & Whistle.

"Never mind" says Angelina "I've got an idea - we'll build a bar then you tell me everything about Joe and I'll dress up in some of the mens clothes that we found after the crash and use my acting skills to become Joe".

Fred brightens at this idea and so, a week later, Angelina is sitting at a bar fashioned from drift wood wearing mens clothing when Fred strolls up.

"Alright, Fred?" asks Angelina in a gruff Northern voice, "How you doing?"

Fred sits down next to her, leans towards her and say, "Joe - you'll never guess who I'm shagging!"