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Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1644122
04/09/2020 17:15
04/09/2020 17:15
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,583
J
JKD Offline
Forum is my job
JKD  Offline
Forum is my job
J

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,583
Did you hear about the guy who had no anus?

He had an ass whole.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1644206
09/09/2020 07:43
09/09/2020 07:43
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 964
Warrington
G_Man Offline
Club Member 1656
G_Man  Offline
Club Member 1656
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 964
Warrington
Job interview situation:

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

Candidate: No, but I can give bohemian rhapsody a go.

rolleyes

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1644272
11/09/2020 20:49
11/09/2020 20:49
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 19,923
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
Club board Member 005
PeteP  Offline
Club board Member 005
Forum veteran

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 19,923
Aldershot
Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Aye"
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'
Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”
Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doing all right."
Welshman: (look of shock)
Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”
Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheep's a liar, don't believe a word he says!!”


16VT and X1/9 1500
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1644289
12/09/2020 16:22
12/09/2020 16:22
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 19,923
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
Club board Member 005
PeteP  Offline
Club board Member 005
Forum veteran

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 19,923
Aldershot
An old, blind sailor wandered into an all-girl bikers' bar by mistake.
He found his way to a bar stool and ordered some rum .

After sitting there for awhile, he yelled to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately fell absolutely silent, and in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him said,"Before you tell that joke, sailor boy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, sailor boy , Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The sailor thought for a second, shook his head, and muttered, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


16VT and X1/9 1500
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1644402
16/09/2020 19:46
16/09/2020 19:46
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 964
Warrington
G_Man Offline
Club Member 1656
G_Man  Offline
Club Member 1656
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 964
Warrington
Seen in the context of the exam results cluster fudge recently:

Got some AAA batteries at the shop but when I got home they were BCC's.

coat

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