The Greek Debt

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100
note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money,
and leaves town.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how the bailout package works!

Brilliant

Have you heard of that new pop group?

It's five guys and four of them suffer from impotence.

They're called One Erection.

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted "Stop!" but, if anything, that made things worse.

You've heard about the philosophical problem of whether a tree falling in the forest makes a sound if no-one hears it?

Well here's another conundrum.

If you are alone in a forest and say something, without any women around,

are you still wrong?

What did the daddy buffalo say to his son as he waved goodbye to his son on his 1st day at school.


Bison

I bought a bookcase off Bonnie Tyler, but I had to get my money back, because every now and then it fell apart.

I've decided to marry a pencil.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

My late grandad used to only tell people what they wanted to hear.

Lovely man, terrible doctor.

Two blokes are standing outside Doctor Who's Tardis. One says to the other "I can't believe he's going to give us £75 to paint the inside of this."

A bartender who came last in a cocktail competition has been involved in a serious accident.

He's ok ... just been badly shaken.

That must be a really old joke, judging by the price!

I was attracted to a female pencil, too. We were going to get married, have kids, the lot.

I was sadly mislead.

I heard a crap joke last night at The Ace Cafe - Electrichead Nirvana Night...

Paddy and Mick went to a pub in Mick's new car
After prking right outside Mick went to the bar
'Two pints of Stout please barman...'
All of a sudden Paddy shouts
'Mick your car is being stolen, hurry come and see'
Mick turns just in time for Paddy to shout

'It's fine don't worry I've got the registration'

Physics joke.

Peter Higgs walks into a church.

The Priest says "We don't allow atheists in here".

Higgs replies, "Ah, you'll need me for the Mass".

Oh well played sir!

Traffic cop: Good evening, Mr Schroedinger. Did you know you have a dead cat in your boot?
Schroedinger: Not until you opened it!

A son is chatting to his dad and asks him,
Dad "what's a Eunuch?"

Rather startled his dad replies,
"Oh thats a man whose cut-out, to be a Bachelor"

Thanks to Volkswagen, I'm now even starting to doubt if Herbie was a true story.

I once saw Meatloaf in a restaurant, choking on a piece of German sausage.

I saved his life that night.

I took the wurst right out of his mouth.

I bought a Liverpudlian advent calendar in readiness for Christmas.

It comes with a crowbar to open the windows.

I remember being in class 4B2 at school.

We were as thick as two short planks.

A woman came up to me in the the street and asked if I'd help save a tree.

So I took her car keys.

Three nuns were at the pearly gates and God wanted to ask them a final question before he let them in.

First nun: What is 2+2?

Oh, that's an easy one . 2+2 =4!

Second nun: What is the capital of France?

Piece of cake. That would be Paris.

Third nun: What did the actress say to the bishop 'round the back of the pulpit?

Oh dear! That's a hard one!

One for the kids (of a certain age at least).

Why did Tigger stick his head down the toilet?

Because he was looking for poo(h)

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?


Ten-ish

I tried to catch some fog at Heathrow this morning but I mist.

Oi, it's not time for bad cracker jokes yet!

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it.

It's true.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."

God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"

He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".

God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama , and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"

Hillary says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honour are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."

God is greatly moved by Hillary's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"

Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

Brummie walks into a tailors.
"Alroit, mate. I'd like a 70s suit, please."
The tailor says, "Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?"
Brummie says, "Thanks mate, two sugars please."