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Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1655193
14/01/2022 19:36
14/01/2022 19:36
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
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Making a profit
P

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Posts: 226
Cleveland
Brill

Can't beat a new ( old ) joke.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1655214
16/01/2022 09:38
16/01/2022 09:38
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Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
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Cleveland
Tolkien is Hobbit forming.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1655251
18/01/2022 08:27
18/01/2022 08:27
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,723
Brisbane, Australia
Possum Offline
My life on the forum
Possum  Offline
My life on the forum

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,723
Brisbane, Australia
How does one get Pikachu on a bus?

You Pokémon


Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1655537
01/02/2022 18:47
01/02/2022 18:47
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
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Cleveland
What's old and wrinkled and hangs out your pyjamas ?

Your mum.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1655790
15/02/2022 00:29
15/02/2022 00:29
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,528
S. Wales. Way beyond my means
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Forum is my job

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S. Wales. Way beyond my means
Bono and the Edge walk into a pub.
The barman looks up and says: “For goodness sake’s, not U2 again!”

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1656805
06/04/2022 07:18
06/04/2022 07:18
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
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PaulL Offline
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Cleveland
I remember hearing someone ask Bob Monkhouse what sex was like at 70.
He said that it was fine, but not as good as across the road at No 71.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1657637
17/05/2022 19:38
17/05/2022 19:38
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 20,785
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PeteP Offline
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An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’


16VT and X1/9 1500
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1657641
17/05/2022 21:25
17/05/2022 21:25
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
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PaulL  Offline
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Making a profit
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Joined: Oct 2018
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Cleveland
Ditto

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: PeteP] #1657694
19/05/2022 12:26
19/05/2022 12:26
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,917
highlands
jimboy Offline
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Forum is my job

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Posts: 4,917
highlands
Originally Posted by PeteP
An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’


This really made me laugh, so did my wife… laugh


I'm an old git & happy with it,most of the time
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658452
24/06/2022 16:47
24/06/2022 16:47
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 20,785
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
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I would like to believe that this is the genuine article, but somehow I doubt it .

Attached Files
Last edited by PeteP; 24/06/2022 16:48.

16VT and X1/9 1500
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658454
24/06/2022 18:23
24/06/2022 18:23
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
Looks genuine to me.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658816
09/07/2022 11:15
09/07/2022 11:15
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 20,785
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
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Aldershot
Pinched this one from my Shell Tanker Fleet Facebook group.

Don't Trust Alexa

Joe :
Alexa, I am feeling that I want to have sex.

Alexa :
Most certainly... Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 C degrees.
The Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The gel is kept next to it.
I have hired your favorite Thai masseuse. She is just 12 minutes away as per her Uber ride status.
I have scheduled her payment from your credit card 2 hours from now.
I have checked your wife's GPS and she is shopping in a suburban mall.
According to her buying checklist stored on my disk, she will take at least 2 more hours, plus according to Google maps traffic analysis, more than 1 hour to reach home.
Enjoy your sex. And yes, your condom is in the pull out drawer of the living room and the key to that drawer is in your wallet.
This is the last condom, so I have added condoms to your Amazon cart....
This is called true Artificial Intelligence...

MEANWHILE......

Wife:
Alexa, have you set it up?

Alexa:
Sure thing, he thinks you are going to take three hours. If you take an Uber home, you will be there in 45 minutes. I'm recording the whole thing with four cameras, you just need to walk in, we have the bastard cold.
I've got your divorce papers printed and ready, and your attorney briefed, case documents are drafted and will be completed tomorrow, $1 M. damages plus $10,000 per month alimony.
All set. Your Uber is waiting outside.

...
(After all, Alexa is a female)


16VT and X1/9 1500
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658842
10/07/2022 20:47
10/07/2022 20:47
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
Club Member 1872
PaulL  Offline
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Making a profit
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
Ooohhh

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: PeteP] #1658854
10/07/2022 22:34
10/07/2022 22:34
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,285
Auld Reekie
Edinburgh Offline
Club President, member225
Edinburgh  Offline
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I AM a Coop

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,285
Auld Reekie
Originally Posted by PeteP
Shell Tanker Fleet Facebook group.


This is surely a niche gathering!


BumbleBee back:)
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658856
10/07/2022 23:19
10/07/2022 23:19
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 20,785
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 20,785
Aldershot
There are quite a lot of us, 3200 at the moment. The oldest members first went to sea in the 1950s, when the Shell fleet was around 100 ships, that was the UK fleet alone.

We have members who are still at sea today so with the internet being available pretty well everywhere, even in the middle of an ocean, we get posts from all over. Some nostalgia, some current issues.

It has changed enormously from my time in the 1960's when it was fun, I visited about 80 different countries geographically diverse from South America, Carribean, West Africa, Northwest Europe, Mediterranean, Persian Gulf, Indian sub continent, Far East, Australia + NZ in my first year at sea. had my 18th birthday in Wellington NZ. Saw the whole sky lit up going into Auckland when the USA detonated a nuclear bomb in space 2000 odd miles away.

This one.

Anyway back to the jokes


16VT and X1/9 1500
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658861
11/07/2022 08:03
11/07/2022 08:03
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
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PaulL  Offline
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Making a profit
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
Nuclear bomb in the sky.

That's nothing, it's going to be 31oC today, and the world will end.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658926
12/07/2022 21:08
12/07/2022 21:08
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 535
France, Charente
paulw Offline
Club Member 1326
paulw  Offline
Club Member 1326
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 535
France, Charente
Only 31 ....? That's just warming up!

It's 10.00pm here and it's still 31 C


Paul W.

[Linked Image]


Re: Crap joke thread [Re: paulw] #1658933
12/07/2022 23:30
12/07/2022 23:30
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,285
Auld Reekie
Edinburgh Offline
Club President, member225
Edinburgh  Offline
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I AM a Coop

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,285
Auld Reekie
Originally Posted by paulw
Only 31 ....? That's just warming up!

It's 10.00pm here and it's still 31 C


That's no joke tongue


BumbleBee back:)
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658990
15/07/2022 08:43
15/07/2022 08:43
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
P
PaulL Offline
Club Member 1872
PaulL  Offline
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Making a profit
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 226
Cleveland
What is the most common owl in the British Isles ?








Teet





Teatowel

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1658997
15/07/2022 10:53
15/07/2022 10:53
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 20,785
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PeteP Offline
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Joined: Dec 2005
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One day I'll have a body like that.

Attached Files
un jour.jpg (27 downloads)
Last edited by PeteP; 15/07/2022 10:53.

16VT and X1/9 1500
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